Sitting in the financial pit we dug ourselves into, we halted our shoveling for a moment and looked at each other. First rule of getting out of the hole - stop digging.
And so it is, that I have chosen to get a part time job. This is in addition to my full time job, my religious and volunteer responsibilities, taking care of my home, and spending time with my family. Not in that order of course.
I'll be delivering pizza's for Pizza Hut. Seems like a teenager job - but I stand to make as much or more per hour that I make at my full time job. Not bad for part time! I start tomorrow night, and I'm excited about what the possibilities will be of paying off some debt and creating a savings account.
Wish me luck! I'm going to need it.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Friday, August 18, 2006
Parents....hummpphhhffff!!
There comes a time, I believe, in every parent's life when you have to hurt your child. Of course, not physically, nor on purpose. But for the sake of their health, and well-being. This comes about by the parent knowing things the child does not yet know, and cannot possible be aware of due to their innocence. It then becomes difficult, if not impossible to explain the 'why' to your child - resulting in the famous line: 'Because I'm the mom, that's why'.
We are restricting our daughter's access to one of her friends house because of what we feel are questionable practices in her home. We enjoy this friend, and she is welcome in our home at any time. Our daughter just cannot be over at her house, unless and until we are confident that she will be safe, cared for, and watched over. I'm facing the reality of this decision, and the fact that I'm going to have to talk to this friends mother about it this evening. It should prove an interesting conversation - as generally I like to avoid confrontation. But I suppose this is one of those growing opportunities I have as a parent - the kind where I learn that I have more strength inside of me than I previously thought I did. Or at least I hope that's what it teaches me.
Our little girl is beside herself, and extremely upset. This will be an interesting weekend, and hopefully she'll learn as she grows up and has children of her own - there will be a time when she faces her child and tells her 'Because I'm the mom, that's why!' and anything more than that, cannot be explained.
We are restricting our daughter's access to one of her friends house because of what we feel are questionable practices in her home. We enjoy this friend, and she is welcome in our home at any time. Our daughter just cannot be over at her house, unless and until we are confident that she will be safe, cared for, and watched over. I'm facing the reality of this decision, and the fact that I'm going to have to talk to this friends mother about it this evening. It should prove an interesting conversation - as generally I like to avoid confrontation. But I suppose this is one of those growing opportunities I have as a parent - the kind where I learn that I have more strength inside of me than I previously thought I did. Or at least I hope that's what it teaches me.
Our little girl is beside herself, and extremely upset. This will be an interesting weekend, and hopefully she'll learn as she grows up and has children of her own - there will be a time when she faces her child and tells her 'Because I'm the mom, that's why!' and anything more than that, cannot be explained.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
My testament
Too much going on to blog daily - I suppose that would put too little meaning to this entire journey anyway. My teacher is well, he is home, and he was in class tonight. He is in high spirits, and I had the chance to hug him today and tell him how grateful I was that he is here. I intend to post a few paragraphs of a book we are reading at Summum that somewhat describes what it is like for me in my spirituality, in my relationship to him.
On the home front - we just had new floors installed in our home. They are beautiful laminate wood floors, and laminate tile in the kitchen. Our home looks like an entirely new house and it feels wonderful!! We are very pleased and have been working very hard on putting everything back together in the house. It is, as always, a work in progress, but we're getting there slowly but surely. I'm thrilled with the outcome.
Recently, because of the events happening in and around Summum I have been extremely introspective. During class on Thursday night this week we read a chapter from the book entitled "The Mustard Seed: The Gnostic Teachings of Jesus the Mystic" by Osho. Time and again events that have happened to me personally at Summum are discussed openly during class that week - in reading from a book. These things happen with nobody's prior knowledge to my personal events. This particular chapter discussed exactly the personal journey I have found myself in lately. I will quote below: (I apologize now for the length of this post - but it is well worth the read!)
"It is very difficult to tell people that someone has become realized. Why? - because whenever someone becomes realized it becomes a deep wound in you, it becomes a deep hurt: you could have become the same, but you have missed. A comparison enters, your ego feels hurt: "Jesus is the son of God? Why am I not? The case should have been otherwise. How has Jesus become the son of God?' And it is easier to deny this than to change yourself and become the son of God. It is easier because 'no' is always the easiest thing in the world: nothing is to be done, you say no and it's finished! If you say yes, everything starts, nothing is finished. No is always the end, yes is always the beginning.
"If you say, 'Yes, Jesus is the son of God,' then you have to transform yourself. Then you cannot remain with this yes, you have to move, you have to do something. If you say no, the problem is solved. Then whatsoever you are, wherever you are - in the valley, in darkness, in death - you are at ease. Jesus creates an unease in you: Buddha moves amidst you and he creates an unease, and we take revenge - because if one man can reach such a height, how is it that you have missed? It is better to say that there is no height, nobody has ever reached it. Then you are at ease in your darkness, then you can be comfortable.
"Jesuses and Buddhas, they are very great tensions, because they uproot you from the valley, they shake you from your sleep and they say, 'Move on - this is no place to stay!'
"Jesus says to his disciples, 'Go, and cry from the housetops!' Why from the housetops? - because people are almost deaf, they don't hear, they don't want to hear. Even when they listen they are not hearing, they are somewhere else. Even when they nod they are simply bored. They may tolerate it but they never enjoy the truth, because truth will always make you uncomfortable, bound to do so - because you live in the valley of lies. Your whole life is such a lie: you have been lying to others, to yourself, and you have made everything around lies. Now somebody comes and speaks the truth. Making you alert, making you aware of the truth, destroys your palaces, dream palaces you have made out of playing cards.
"Jesus says: Go, and whatsoever you have heard me telling you...preach from your housetops; for no one lights a lamp and puts it under a bushel. Don't be shy, and don't be afraid! The light is there, now don't hide it: ... nor does he put it in a hidden place, but he sets in on the lampstand so that all who come in and go out may see its light.'
"This has always been a problem: Buddha, Mahavira, Lao Tzu, Jesus, Mohammed, Zarathustra, they always have to insist continuously that the disciples go and tell others. The opportunity will not be forever - Jesus will not be there in his physical body forever, and if you cannot recognize him when he is in his physical body, how will you be able to recognize him when he is not? If his physical presence cannot become a revelation to you, how can it become a revelation to you when he has disappeared into the universal?'
Only rarely does someone become enlightened, only rarely does someone's darkness disappear. It is such a rare phenomenon and it is not going to last forever - hence Jesus is always in a hurry. He knows well. And Jesus had the most limited time on earth; he died when he was thirty-three. He was in a great hurry. He knew this crucifixion was going to happen, so he said, 'Go and make as many people aware and alert as possible. The door is open, now they can enter into the divine."
This is my personal testament. There is a living master among us here, and he is enlightened. He brings me (us) to all of Creation simply by his presence. It is most difficult to share this with those I love, and with those people that I do not know. He is here, available, offering everything if we will but listen. I am utterly, always entirely humbled.
On the home front - we just had new floors installed in our home. They are beautiful laminate wood floors, and laminate tile in the kitchen. Our home looks like an entirely new house and it feels wonderful!! We are very pleased and have been working very hard on putting everything back together in the house. It is, as always, a work in progress, but we're getting there slowly but surely. I'm thrilled with the outcome.
Recently, because of the events happening in and around Summum I have been extremely introspective. During class on Thursday night this week we read a chapter from the book entitled "The Mustard Seed: The Gnostic Teachings of Jesus the Mystic" by Osho. Time and again events that have happened to me personally at Summum are discussed openly during class that week - in reading from a book. These things happen with nobody's prior knowledge to my personal events. This particular chapter discussed exactly the personal journey I have found myself in lately. I will quote below: (I apologize now for the length of this post - but it is well worth the read!)
"It is very difficult to tell people that someone has become realized. Why? - because whenever someone becomes realized it becomes a deep wound in you, it becomes a deep hurt: you could have become the same, but you have missed. A comparison enters, your ego feels hurt: "Jesus is the son of God? Why am I not? The case should have been otherwise. How has Jesus become the son of God?' And it is easier to deny this than to change yourself and become the son of God. It is easier because 'no' is always the easiest thing in the world: nothing is to be done, you say no and it's finished! If you say yes, everything starts, nothing is finished. No is always the end, yes is always the beginning.
"If you say, 'Yes, Jesus is the son of God,' then you have to transform yourself. Then you cannot remain with this yes, you have to move, you have to do something. If you say no, the problem is solved. Then whatsoever you are, wherever you are - in the valley, in darkness, in death - you are at ease. Jesus creates an unease in you: Buddha moves amidst you and he creates an unease, and we take revenge - because if one man can reach such a height, how is it that you have missed? It is better to say that there is no height, nobody has ever reached it. Then you are at ease in your darkness, then you can be comfortable.
"Jesuses and Buddhas, they are very great tensions, because they uproot you from the valley, they shake you from your sleep and they say, 'Move on - this is no place to stay!'
"Jesus says to his disciples, 'Go, and cry from the housetops!' Why from the housetops? - because people are almost deaf, they don't hear, they don't want to hear. Even when they listen they are not hearing, they are somewhere else. Even when they nod they are simply bored. They may tolerate it but they never enjoy the truth, because truth will always make you uncomfortable, bound to do so - because you live in the valley of lies. Your whole life is such a lie: you have been lying to others, to yourself, and you have made everything around lies. Now somebody comes and speaks the truth. Making you alert, making you aware of the truth, destroys your palaces, dream palaces you have made out of playing cards.
"Jesus says: Go, and whatsoever you have heard me telling you...preach from your housetops; for no one lights a lamp and puts it under a bushel. Don't be shy, and don't be afraid! The light is there, now don't hide it: ... nor does he put it in a hidden place, but he sets in on the lampstand so that all who come in and go out may see its light.'
"This has always been a problem: Buddha, Mahavira, Lao Tzu, Jesus, Mohammed, Zarathustra, they always have to insist continuously that the disciples go and tell others. The opportunity will not be forever - Jesus will not be there in his physical body forever, and if you cannot recognize him when he is in his physical body, how will you be able to recognize him when he is not? If his physical presence cannot become a revelation to you, how can it become a revelation to you when he has disappeared into the universal?'
Only rarely does someone become enlightened, only rarely does someone's darkness disappear. It is such a rare phenomenon and it is not going to last forever - hence Jesus is always in a hurry. He knows well. And Jesus had the most limited time on earth; he died when he was thirty-three. He was in a great hurry. He knew this crucifixion was going to happen, so he said, 'Go and make as many people aware and alert as possible. The door is open, now they can enter into the divine."
This is my personal testament. There is a living master among us here, and he is enlightened. He brings me (us) to all of Creation simply by his presence. It is most difficult to share this with those I love, and with those people that I do not know. He is here, available, offering everything if we will but listen. I am utterly, always entirely humbled.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Meditation
Things are looking up. My friend has made a near full recovery. He is doing much better, and is scheduled to come home in a few days. Talk about a wake up call for me. Faced with the possibility of him no longer being here, I was forced to take a look at myself in ways I haven't before. Spirituality is an amazingly personal experience, and too often lends itself towards leaning on others. I must begin to stand on my own two feet, my own convictions, and cultivate my own relationship with Creation. I decided awhile ago that the next few months would be a period of personal change and discovery. I hadn't really considered the total impact of that choice - but it's interesting how destiny provides for what we need.
I have decided to make a comittment to myself to begin meditating daily. The meditation I have been initiated into at Summum calls for one to put aside the time at least twice per day, for at least 30 minutes each time. There are days that I do that, most often I do not. I have up until now haphazardly meditated, whenever I 'found' the time, instead of dedicating the time to it. Meditation is by far, one of the most significant, important discipline that we can do with our time. It is what opens us to our essence. I have been away far too long, and I intend to seek out and open that door. Can there be a more worthy cause?
I have decided to make a comittment to myself to begin meditating daily. The meditation I have been initiated into at Summum calls for one to put aside the time at least twice per day, for at least 30 minutes each time. There are days that I do that, most often I do not. I have up until now haphazardly meditated, whenever I 'found' the time, instead of dedicating the time to it. Meditation is by far, one of the most significant, important discipline that we can do with our time. It is what opens us to our essence. I have been away far too long, and I intend to seek out and open that door. Can there be a more worthy cause?
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Happy Anniversary
I cannot let this day pass without acknowledging my beautiful husband. Today is our eight year wedding anniversary. In spite of the events taking place right now, it's important to me to step back and recognize our marriage, our bond. He is, and always has been my best friend, my confidant. I must admit, and I'm sure many people feel this way, but I feel that we have a truly amazing relationship. He brings out the best, and the worst in me. He knows me better than I know myself. Every cliché you can quote about love, would probably fit with him. But you know what is different? What's unique about him and me? We're just simple. Just us. I am always just me when I'm with him. I never feel that I need a mask, or an act, or a conversation piece. Relaxation. Joy. And that simplicity, that full-on, unbounded freedom of simplicity has been a source of comfort and strength to us for years.
Here's to many more adventurous years to us.
I love you with all that I am.
C
Here's to many more adventurous years to us.
I love you with all that I am.
C
His Feet
http://www.summum.us/meditation/devotion.shtml
I stood in his hospital room last night, my hands upon his feet. The machines and tubes violating his body while working to save it. My devotion to him is all consuming. To describe the student-master relationship is impossible. There simply are not words. I am with him today, as he is with me.
I stood in his hospital room last night, my hands upon his feet. The machines and tubes violating his body while working to save it. My devotion to him is all consuming. To describe the student-master relationship is impossible. There simply are not words. I am with him today, as he is with me.
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