My testament

Too much going on to blog daily - I suppose that would put too little meaning to this entire journey anyway. My teacher is well, he is home, and he was in class tonight. He is in high spirits, and I had the chance to hug him today and tell him how grateful I was that he is here. I intend to post a few paragraphs of a book we are reading at Summum that somewhat describes what it is like for me in my spirituality, in my relationship to him.

On the home front - we just had new floors installed in our home. They are beautiful laminate wood floors, and laminate tile in the kitchen. Our home looks like an entirely new house and it feels wonderful!! We are very pleased and have been working very hard on putting everything back together in the house. It is, as always, a work in progress, but we're getting there slowly but surely. I'm thrilled with the outcome.

Recently, because of the events happening in and around Summum I have been extremely introspective. During class on Thursday night this week we read a chapter from the book entitled "The Mustard Seed: The Gnostic Teachings of Jesus the Mystic" by Osho. Time and again events that have happened to me personally at Summum are discussed openly during class that week - in reading from a book. These things happen with nobody's prior knowledge to my personal events. This particular chapter discussed exactly the personal journey I have found myself in lately. I will quote below: (I apologize now for the length of this post - but it is well worth the read!)

"It is very difficult to tell people that someone has become realized. Why? - because whenever someone becomes realized it becomes a deep wound in you, it becomes a deep hurt: you could have become the same, but you have missed. A comparison enters, your ego feels hurt: "Jesus is the son of God? Why am I not? The case should have been otherwise. How has Jesus become the son of God?' And it is easier to deny this than to change yourself and become the son of God. It is easier because 'no' is always the easiest thing in the world: nothing is to be done, you say no and it's finished! If you say yes, everything starts, nothing is finished. No is always the end, yes is always the beginning.

"If you say, 'Yes, Jesus is the son of God,' then you have to transform yourself. Then you cannot remain with this yes, you have to move, you have to do something. If you say no, the problem is solved. Then whatsoever you are, wherever you are - in the valley, in darkness, in death - you are at ease. Jesus creates an unease in you: Buddha moves amidst you and he creates an unease, and we take revenge - because if one man can reach such a height, how is it that you have missed? It is better to say that there is no height, nobody has ever reached it. Then you are at ease in your darkness, then you can be comfortable.

"Jesuses and Buddhas, they are very great tensions, because they uproot you from the valley, they shake you from your sleep and they say, 'Move on - this is no place to stay!'

"Jesus says to his disciples, 'Go, and cry from the housetops!' Why from the housetops? - because people are almost deaf, they don't hear, they don't want to hear. Even when they listen they are not hearing, they are somewhere else. Even when they nod they are simply bored. They may tolerate it but they never enjoy the truth, because truth will always make you uncomfortable, bound to do so - because you live in the valley of lies. Your whole life is such a lie: you have been lying to others, to yourself, and you have made everything around lies. Now somebody comes and speaks the truth. Making you alert, making you aware of the truth, destroys your palaces, dream palaces you have made out of playing cards.

"Jesus says: Go, and whatsoever you have heard me telling you...preach from your housetops; for no one lights a lamp and puts it under a bushel. Don't be shy, and don't be afraid! The light is there, now don't hide it: ... nor does he put it in a hidden place, but he sets in on the lampstand so that all who come in and go out may see its light.'

"This has always been a problem: Buddha, Mahavira, Lao Tzu, Jesus, Mohammed, Zarathustra, they always have to insist continuously that the disciples go and tell others. The opportunity will not be forever - Jesus will not be there in his physical body forever, and if you cannot recognize him when he is in his physical body, how will you be able to recognize him when he is not? If his physical presence cannot become a revelation to you, how can it become a revelation to you when he has disappeared into the universal?'

Only rarely does someone become enlightened, only rarely does someone's darkness disappear. It is such a rare phenomenon and it is not going to last forever - hence Jesus is always in a hurry. He knows well. And Jesus had the most limited time on earth; he died when he was thirty-three. He was in a great hurry. He knew this crucifixion was going to happen, so he said, 'Go and make as many people aware and alert as possible. The door is open, now they can enter into the divine."


This is my personal testament. There is a living master among us here, and he is enlightened. He brings me (us) to all of Creation simply by his presence. It is most difficult to share this with those I love, and with those people that I do not know. He is here, available, offering everything if we will but listen. I am utterly, always entirely humbled.